Finding Head Space

Oh, the many titles women are bonded to!

red rose on brown wooden surface
Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

Let’s see. We are wives and a mothers. We are daughters, granddaughters, and sisters to our siblings. We are nieces, cousins, and friends. We are teachers, colleagues, and confidantes. Oh, the many titles we are bonded to! Each of those titles have specific duties that requires necessary time and attention to flourish. Some of my titles demand way more attention than others. For example, the titles that my household revolve around. Being a wife, a mother, and an educator is so demanding, more mentally than physically these days. Of course caring for five children is the most demanding.

I gave birth to four boys and one girl. My little girl is the youngest. Yay! I finally got one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I do not believe fathers understand the severity of being a mother. Women tend to work harder in the parenting department; that’s a fact. Fathers are able to plant their seed and go on about their days whilst mommy dearest is left to nurture and grow their seed into adulthood. Please don’t misunderstand me. I know dads are nurturers too, but men mainly focus on being the provider and disciplinarian with a few kind or harsh words thrown in there. Men mostly eat, sleep, sh#t, and then go to work. My husband would completely disagree with me. He likes to think that he nurtures just as much as I do, but he only does in moderation.

I must say, motherhood was a breeze until I started working outside of our home. Now, I feel like I’m lacking in the motherhood department and I feel a bit inadequate because of it. I’m not interacting with my babies as much as I used to.  On top of motherhood, there’s wife-hood. Just as much as our babies need nurturing, so does our marriage. In order for those two things to flourish I must also find the time to nurture my myself.

I live for “me time” or at least I used to. Now, I pray for it. There is never anytime for me to gain head peace. There is always something or someone needing immediate attention. I could just scream thinking about it. My mind is always running 100 mph, and there’s never any time for me to catch up to it. When I am able to catch up, what does it for me is a lot of peace and quiet with some oldies blasting on my television in the living room reclined with my favorite cover and a bottle of wine. I love listening to soul soothing music with sweet melodies, such as “My Angel” by Anita Baker. Good music is all I need to silence the innumerable proposals in my mind. I rarely get that “me time” nowadays.

As far as my marriage is concerned, perhaps I am a bit resentful due to the fact that I’m working, so I tend to be a bit rash when nurturing it. That’s crazy though! I’ve always aspired to have a meaningful career. Perhaps I never believed my goal would come to pass, and now that it has, it’s hard for me wrap my mind around the idea of being dependent while working outside of our home.  When I slip into one of those episodes of resentment, eventually I coach myself out of it, because I know it’s unfair to my husband. However, I do put my children and my work before him because we’re equals. Right? We are a team, and we are both parents, so it is our duty to make sure our babies are nurtured in the best way possible. He also wanted me to contribute financially to the household, so I am contributing by educating children. Being an educator is important, so it is pertinent that I focus on my career as well. You should not half step when you’re a parent, an educator, or a wife, but I have not figured out how to balance these three titles. I am a Libra so finding balance is my life’s mission.

How can I manage to find balance within the many titles I possess without lacking in some? Can we truly have it all? I think having it all involves balance.

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